I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
