I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
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I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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