Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
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Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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