I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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