The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
