Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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