I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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