my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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