Do you still have your period?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
