i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
