hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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