We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
