hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
