Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
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He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
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its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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