Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
