My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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