dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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