i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
