so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
