You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
