Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
