There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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