do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
