Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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