I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
