We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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