matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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