you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize