We're like a lot better than the average bears
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
