There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
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I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
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Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
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