This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
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The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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