Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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