Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
