Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
why is half of my head shaved?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
