God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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