i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
