I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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