I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
