a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
