So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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