Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
