It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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