I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
