SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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