they need to just BURY HIM!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
