Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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