Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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