I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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