last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
