Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You're like the curious george of whores
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I want her autograph on my taint
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
