I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
