i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
