actually, I'm a sock model
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
