There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
