Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
