the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
