So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
