i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
