Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
