Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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