Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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