Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
