Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
