If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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