You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
