just come out here and I will go home with you...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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