The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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