She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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