I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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