I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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