i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
