I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
