winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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