Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
