I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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