just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
