She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
