don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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