O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
