She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
