Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
