You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
