I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
