he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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