So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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